The Idiots by Your Side, Ruining WAY Too Many Video Games

Escort missions + idiot companions = a surefire equation for boredom and frustration.

• Standing in front of bullets. Far too many CoD NPC’s do that as well.

• I liked Resident Evil IV a lot, but MAN was saving Ashley’s ass a CHORE.

No One Lives Forever. Mandatory for the wholly unique setting, but that mission was total ass.

GTA V falls victim to this as well. It’s not that your companions are STUPID (talking the gang-up missions now, like the Kortz Center shootout), it’s that their health runs down at an unaccountably fast rate. It’s frustrating to flip back to a character, only to find they wasted your $2500 armor on… well, nobody, really. They just got shot a lot, even though they were in cover before you left them.

• Then there was Bioshock Infinite and Last of Us, which solved the problem with suicidal companions by making them invisible to enemies, and also indestructible. One solution, I suppose.

• Idiot NPCs were a major part of the TOTAL FAIL of Romero’s Daikatana. Supposedly, they were more suicidal than a clinically depressed lemming whose hot supermodel lemming wife left him for another lemming with a MUCH nicer nest, taking half their stash of food and all the kids.

Crappy escort missions? Bad game designers! NO SOUP FOR YOU!

One thought on “The Idiots by Your Side, Ruining WAY Too Many Video Games”

  1. Your pal Vox Day claims that he invented escort missions.

    You know, when he confesses to things like that, it makes it harder to disbelieve the accusations he’s evil. :^)

    He makes the argument that they are fine when done well. Frankly I’m having a hard time thinking of a single example where escort missions are done well. Even instances like you pointed out (like Last of Us, and Bioshock infinite) are merely acceptable. I can’t really think of any escort missions that added to the experience.

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