He’ll Be Back!

Been a busy week for trailers, especially geekariffic trailers. Jurassic World, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and now Terminator Genisys.

I hope this is a great movie, but I’m guessing it won’t be. Michael Biehn and Linda Hamilton had character and depth and their replacements look like kids playing dress-up. The actors came straight from the Pretty Pretty Valley.

Pretty Pretty Valley is right next door to the Uncanny Valley. In Pretty Pretty Valley, all the actors are hot adults, playing teens, but adults who’ve never grown up, who’ve never had it hard, who’ve developed no character. Pretty, pretty people (even the boys) but bland. You can tell you’re in the Pretty Pretty Valley when the tough guys all have stubble. (Or you’re watching something on the CW.)

Pretty, pretty people live in Pretty Pretty Valley.
Pretty, pretty people live in Pretty Pretty Valley.

Pretty Pretty Valley is off-putting for the same reason the Uncanny Valley is: everything feels plastic and unreal. It’s part of the reason so many recent remakes are bland and uninspiring: even the adults look like tweens.

I’m not saying THIS WILL BE SHIT! But that’s the way to bet.

Even so, I’ll be seeing this in the theater, if I can. I really hope it defies my expectations.

8 thoughts on “He’ll Be Back!”

  1. Keep your expectations very low and this may exceed them.
    I’ve never heard of Pretty Pretty Valley before, but it sounds right.
    Everyone is supposed to look battle hardened, but it just looks like a committee in makeup agonized for hours about the perfect place that that scar should be.

  2. Biehn did look like a soldier didn’t he? People who grow up in post-apocalyptic sewers don’t grow up to be pretty pretty people.
    It’s too bad because the story of clashing timelines looks interesting, but I can’t buy any of the actors.

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