Spider Crisis In The UK. Also, I’m Never Living In Florida.

So a primary school in Rochdale, UK was entirely evacuated last week because of this:

Spider.

Doesn’t look like much does it? Makes you sneer at school officials, right, sending away all their students for no good reason? Ha-ha-ha, those Brits, running scared like little cowards.

What if I showed it doing this:

SPIDER CATCHES AND EATS BIRD

That spider has caught, and is eating, a goddamn bird! Because the spider is 5 inches wide. Wide enough to cover your face.

Here’s some more fun facts: this little arachnid, called a golden silk orb-weaver or Columbian banana spider, is the most venomous spider known to mankind. Brown Recluses, Black Widows, and whatever hellish unearthly spider-beasts are currently murdering their way across Australia, all of them have inferior, less toxic, less lethal venom to this arachnidean spawn of Satan’s potent member.

And there’s it’s nickname: Colombian. Banana. Spider. Unfortunately, that’s not a reference to the spider’s yellow color. No, that refers to its favorite living space.

Your bananas. Where they roost until some poor, dumb bastard disturbs the hidden bad-tempered, bird-eating, hand-biting little shit. And, thanks to the marvels of fast air and sea travel, this can happen anywhere.

Including Rochdale, UK, where a quick thinking janitor bagged up the bananas and let the damned thing suffocate. It took a day. More details on the horrific story at the link.

Good job, sir. Good job indeed. Now if you could only repeat the process a few thousand more times, I’d feel a little safer.

(What about Florida? There a variant of this nasty species that lives there. Which bumps Florida to the top of my “Uh-uh, no way, not ever, no way in hell I’m ever living there” list.)

[Apparently it might be photog week? Have to think about it.]

One thought on “Spider Crisis In The UK. Also, I’m Never Living In Florida.”

  1. I just ran across one of these fellows at my new place in Florida. Your picture was helpful in identifying it. I think i’m moving…

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